New Year....Same Me. (lol)

I recently told my therapist that I can’t push through pain or illness anymore. Her response? “It’s about damn time.”

For so many of us, living in fight-or-flight isn’t a phase—it’s a lifetime setting. For me, it feels almost primal, like showing pain or illness is a sign of weakness. Over the summer, one of the ER physician’s told me I was “very stoic” while rating my pain an 8 out of 10. That stoicism? Learned behavior. Neither good nor bad—just learned.

We wear masks our entire lives. Fake it till you make it.

This past year, I learned that I can’t do that anymore. And strangely, that realization has been both humbling and freeing.

I used to pride myself on showing up no matter what. I once did an updo on a bride the morning of my grandmother’s memorial service. That wasn’t resilience—it was performance. And I was very good at it.

Now, when my health goes sideways, my body shuts down. At first, that scared me. But after 44 years of pushing through everything, it actually makes sense. Bodies keep the score—even when we pretend not to. If you haven’t read that book…take this as your sign.

I recently read that we now consume in a single day the amount of news we were once meant to absorb in a lifetime. Our nervous systems don’t know the difference between witnessing trauma and living it. Our bodies respond to what’s happening in our country and the world as if it’s happening directly to us. Stack that on top of personal stress or illness, and eventually the body says, I’m done.

I’m sharing this as permission—to wave the red flag, to rest, to say no.To give yourself the same grace you’d give a friend without hesitation.

New year. Same me. Just listening better now.